


This Is All He Knows

by jesstiel (jseca)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:23:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1678004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jseca/pseuds/jesstiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel knows only what Metatron has told him, and nothing more. [9x23 coda]</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is All He Knows

Dean Winchester is dead.

Cas hardly has time to process the damning information, even as he feels his heart shatter inside him. Metatron could be lying, he tells himself, as his gaze involuntarily follows the path that their new, if self-appointed ‘God’ is tracing through the air with the blood-stained angel blade. He can’t even bring himself to care that the very same blade could bring about his end, too. All he can think, over and over, is ‘maybe that isn’t Dean’s blood. It can’t be Dean’s blood. Dean cannot be dead.’

Dean, the Righteous Man that Castiel himself pulled from Hell all those years ago, saving him from a life that would have damned him to torturing for eternity by Alastair’s side. Dean, who Castiel has protected with his own life, time and time again, ever since. If he cannot admit anything else, he will admit to himself that Metatron is right about one singular fact - his actions were all carried out to save Dean. It has only ever been to save Dean that he has done any self-sacrificing act, ever since he laid hands on Dean’s shredded soul.

He listens, detached, as Metatron muses on his new followers; on Castiel’s lack of curiosity. Cas is trying to focus on the task at hand, but it’s difficult. His thoughts are clouded, and he can feel his eyes burning hot as he pushes back tears.

Dean is dead.

“You never learned how to tell a good story,” Metatron says, bringing the blade up and pointing towards Castiel. Cas’s thoughts snap back into focus as the tip of the bloodied blade is suddenly at eye level.

“But you did,” he growls out, pouring his entire being into those three words – all his vengeance, and anger, and devastation.

0o0o0o0

The very first thing Castiel does as he leaves Hannah to guard Metatron’s cell is to call Sam. He very nearly hits Dean’s name as he scrolls through his short list of contacts, out of habit.

“Cas,” Sam answers, sounding utterly broken. Any doubt Castiel had been clinging to like a lifeline regarding Metatron’s claim sunk instantly. “I was too late, I couldn’t – Metatron, he - ”

“I know,” Cas murmurs, slowly closing his eyes and leaning heavily against the wall behind him. “He arrived seconds after I broke the angel tablet, but we were able to capture him and lock him away. He is no longer part of our immediate concerns.” He detaches himself from what he’s saying, as if they were boring, everyday facts. He’s avoiding, and he knows it. “It was hard not to stab him where he stood, knowing what -,” Cas’s breath hitches, and the tears that had threatened to spill over earlier prick at his eyes again. “What he..”

“I’ll kill that son of a bitch myself,” Sam bites out.

“I know.”

What is there to be said, Cas wonders. Dean is dead. Although he knows it is far from the first time, it has never happened under Cas’s watch before. The knowledge rips and claws at him like nothing else. How could he have allowed this? How could it have gone so wrong? How could he have put his entire being into saving one human, only for him to be killed at the hands of a psychotic, power-hungry angel?

That cannot be how the story ends.

Cas sinks to the ground slowly.

“I love him so much,” he breathes out, rubbing his free hand down over his face. It’s so quiet that he wonders if Sam even heard. He doesn't even know if he _wants_ Sam to have heard, but if he can no longer say it to Dean, he needs to say it to _somebody_.

“I – I know, Cas,” Sam murmurs in reply. Somehow, that doesn’t come as a surprise. “I love him, too.” A different kind of love, of course, but just as strong. Stronger, perhaps. “Is there.. anything you can do?”

“Would that I could,” Cas mutters darkly. He _hates_ himself for it. “My grace is all but depleted. I’m practically powerless.” Sam is silent for a moment too long. “..Sam?”

“I tried to summon Crowley.”

“Sam…”

“This is _his_ fault. _He_ did this. I’m going to _make_ him undo it, whatever it takes.”

“… Well then, I’m right there beside you,” Cas says after a moment’s hesitation. He’s in a vengeful mood right now, after all, and Crowley sounds like the perfect target right now.

“ .. Where is Dean?” Cas hears the sound of Sam getting up and walking around as he answers. “His room. And he’ll stay there as long as it takes to find Crowle -,” Sam suddenly stops talking.

“…Sam?”

“Cas, it’s Dean, he’s – he’s gone.” Cas hears as Sam frantically moves over to the bed, searching desperately. “Fuck, _fuck, Crowley_ , I’m going to _kill_ you – Cas, I’m gonna need you here asap.”

“Right,” Cas agrees without hesitation, the new developments sending his head spinning. There could be a thousand reasons for this, and none of the potential scenarios spinning round his head sound like anything good. When the dead walk, it can only be bad. “I’ll do my best.” Sam hangs up at that, and Cas shoots up. He has a journey ahead of him.


End file.
